Narcissists often appear confident and self-assured, but their outward demeanor masks deep-seated fears and insecurities. These fears drive their manipulative behaviors, as narcissism is fundamentally a survival tactic. Below are the seven things narcissists fear the most and how these fears influence their actions.
1. Your Success
Narcissists are intensely competitive and fear your success because it threatens their sense of superiority. When you achieve success, whether financial, professional, or personal, they worry you’ll become independent and no longer need them. This loss of control is terrifying for them, leading them to sabotage your efforts out of jealousy and fear of being left behind.
2. Being Exposed
One of a narcissist’s greatest fears is being seen for who they truly are: insecure, manipulative, and inauthentic. They hide behind a carefully crafted mask, using tactics like gaslighting to confuse you and prevent you from questioning their facade. If they sense you’re starting to see through them, they may panic, shift attention with fake affection, or move on to a new “supply” who is unaware of their true nature.
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3. Your Happiness
Narcissists are envious of others’ joy and cannot stand to see you happy. Their misery drives them to ruin special occasions like holidays, birthdays, or vacations. This jealousy, akin to the biblical story of Cain and Abel, stems from their inability to experience genuine happiness themselves. Survivors of narcissistic abuse often struggle with anxiety or depression because the narcissist deliberately undermines their joy, leaving lasting emotional scars.
4. You’re Moving On
Narcissists fear you moving forward in life, especially if you enter a new relationship or progress without them. They want you to remain dependent, believing you cannot survive without them. Seeing you thrive, whether through a new partner or personal growth, challenges their control and reinforces their insecurities. They crave the assurance that they are irreplaceable in your life.
5. Abandonment
The fear of abandonment is a core anxiety for narcissists, who view you as their property. Losing you feels like losing a prized possession, intensifying their sense of emptiness. While some narcissists may move on if they have a suitable replacement, most dread being left behind and will attempt to “hoover” you back into their orbit to avoid feeling abandoned.
6. Your Self-Care and Self-Worth
Narcissists thrive on keeping you codependent and insecure. When you prioritize self-care through exercise, healthy eating, financial independence, or socializing, you feel threatened. Building your self-confidence and self-worth reduces their control over you, as you become less likely to doubt yourself or tolerate their manipulation. A narcissist hates seeing you flourish independently.
7. Shame and Accountability
Narcissists avoid shame at all costs, refusing to take accountability for their actions. They blame others or their “enemies” to deflect responsibility, as facing their flaws would shatter their fragile ego. Additionally, they fear being outmaneuvered or “played” by someone else, especially another narcissist. Being used or discarded bruises their ego, as they always need to feel superior and in control.
The fears of a narcissist are your success, exposure, happiness, independence, abandonment, self-worth, and shame reveal their deep insecurities. These fears drive their manipulative behaviors, but recognizing them empowers you to break free.
Instead of engaging in their games, focus on your self-care, rebuild your confidence, and move forward. Narcissists cannot change, but you can reclaim your happiness and live a fulfilling life without them.
