Narcissists are masters of manipulation, employing strategic plays to keep you on the hook and running. Their plays are calculated to make you feel insubstantial, need their validation, and run. Listed below are seven plays narcissists employ to have you run, and here we’ll cover them so you can identify these plays and defend against their manipulation.
1. Ignoring Your Calls and Texts
One of the most common tactics narcissists use is ignoring your calls and texts. They do this for two reasons: either they no longer need you and don’t care about responding, or they’re deliberately playing a game to make you chase them. For example, they might leave your message on “read” without replying, knowing you’ll see it.
This intentional silence is designed to make you feel unimportant and test how much you’ll persist. If you keep texting or calling, asking why they’re not responding, they gauge how much control they have over you. By withdrawing, they create unease, prompting you to chase them to regain their attention.
2. Love Bombing Followed by Withdrawal
During the initial “love bombing” phase, narcissists shower you with attention, rapid-fire texts, long phone calls, and constant flattery. This overwhelming affection hooks you, making you feel special and valued. However, once they believe they’ve got you, they abruptly reduce this attention.
The sudden shift leaves you questioning yourself: Did I do something wrong? Is something wrong with me? This withdrawal creates a craving for the attention you once had, driving you to chase them in an attempt to recapture that euphoric feeling from the beginning. The narcissist knows this and uses it to keep you in their game.
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3. Using S£xuality to Keep You Hooked
Narcissists, particularly covert ones, often use their s£xuality to manipulate you. They may flood your phone with suggestive or explicit photos, sometimes five or six a day, to keep themselves on your mind. These images are meant to spark lust, making you daydream about them and crave their attention.
For instance, female covert narcissists might send unsolicited explicit photos to maintain control, knowing that your desire will keep you chasing. This tactic ensures they remain a constant presence in your thoughts, even when they’re not physically around.
4. Making You Jealous
Narcissists love to create jealousy to make you feel insecure and prompt you to chase them. They might flirt with others in front of you, like a waiter, waitress, or party guest, to show you they’re desirable and in demand. This behavior is deliberate, designed to make you question your value and compete for their attention. By giving others the affection they’re withholding from you, they fuel your insecurity, pushing you to pursue them to regain their focus. They thrive on the power this jealousy gives them.
5. Future Faking
Future faking is a tactic where narcissists promise a perfect future to align with your dreams, only to never follow through. In the beginning, they study you, asking questions like, What are you looking for? If you express a desire for marriage or a specific lifestyle, they’ll mirror those aspirations, talking about shared goals like living in the country or having a family.
These promises create a fantasy that makes you believe they’re your ideal partner. However, once they’ve hooked you, they stop pursuing these dreams, leaving you chasing after the future they painted. Their goal is to keep you invested in a false narrative.
6. Creating Competition Through Social Media
Narcissists often use social media to amplify jealousy and competition. They might post attractive photos of themselves, encouraging others to comment with compliments like “Hey, gorgeous!” or “Looking s£xy!” These interactions are meant to make you worry about other people vying for their attention.
By showcasing their desirability, they create a sense of urgency, pushing you to chase them to secure your place. This tactic exploits the idea that competition makes you want them more, keeping you hooked on their validation.
7. Withholding Validation
Covert narcissists rarely validate or praise you, which is another way they get you to chase them. If you share an accomplishment, like a promotion at work, they might dismiss it with a curt “Oh, okay” or quickly change the subject to themselves.
This lack of acknowledgment leaves you feeling unappreciated and drives you to seek their approval. You might find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth, hoping for a compliment or recognition that never comes. This withholding is a control mechanism, ensuring you keep chasing their elusive validation.
Why Chasing a Narcissist Is a Losing Game
Chasing a narcissist hands them all the power, and they’ll exploit it to treat you poorly. The euphoric feelings from the beginning of the love bombing, the promises, and the attention are part of a fantasy they create to hook you.
What you’re often chasing isn’t love but the fleeting high of their manipulation. True love grows over time through mutual respect, something a narcissist cannot offer. Recognizing these tactics is the first step to breaking free from their control.
